Jokes nice and clean...hmm - Club700XX - Honda TRX700XX Forum
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post #1 of 6 Old 11-24-2012, 08:14 PM Thread Starter
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Jokes nice and clean...hmm

why not right.


Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a candlelight vigil by
his side. She held his fragile hand, tears running down her face. Her
praying roused him from his slumber; He looked up and his pale lips
began to move slightly. "Becky my darling" he whispered. "Hush my love,"
she said. "Rest, don't talk."He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his
tired voice, "I have something that I must confess." There's nothing to
confess," replied the weeping Becky, "Everything's all right, go to
sleep.
"No, no. I must die in peace, Becky. I ... I slept with your sister,
your
best friend, her best friend, and your mother!"
I know, sweetheart," whispered Becky, "let the poison work."

************************************
Jeff Foxworthy on Wisconsin

If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 38 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because ParkFalls is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have ever refused to buy something because it's "too spendy," you might live in Wisconsin.

If your local Dairy Queen is open in December with a temp of -12 and there is a line to get an ice cream cone, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Wisconsin.

If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Wisconsin.

If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you may not have actually eaten it, but you have heard of Head Cheese, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Wisconsin. If you have either a pet or a child named "Brett," you might live inWisconsin.

If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you know how to say Oconomowoc, Waukesha, Menomonie & Manitowoc, you might live in Wisconsin.

If you think that ketchup is a little too spicy, you might live in Wisconsin.

If 5/8th of your winter clothes are Green and Gold you might live in Wisconsin

If the other 3/8th is blaze Orange you might be from Wisconsin

If every time you see moonlight on a lake, you think of a dancing bear,and you sing gently, "From the land of sky-blue waters,....you might live in Wisconsin.

******************************************

Norwegian 10 Comandments

I. Der's only one God, ya know.
II. Don't make dat fish on yur mantle an idol.
III. Cussing ain't nice.
IV. Go to church even when yur up nort.
V. Honor yur folks.
VI. Don't kill. Catch and release.
VII. Der is only one Lena for every Ole. No cheatin'.
VIII. If it ain't yur lutefisk, don't take it.
IX. Don't be braggin' bout how much snow you shoveled.
X. Keep yur mind off yur neighbor's hotdish.


2008 TRX700xx
13Tfront
Kenda Bear Claws 23x8x11
Custom 2" receiver
2007 Honda Forman TRX500es (wifes)
54" Moose plow (for the horse poo)
rear seat/ strorage box
Ground Hog Disk harrow kit
2x 2009 Kawasaki KFX 90 (kids)
PEI fog lights
"If your face isn't dirty, you haven't been riding." Daughter age 10 (riding style, 2 speeds, full out and off)
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Its amazing how far a KFX 90 will fly if you go fast. 15' is her current record.
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post #2 of 6 Old 12-15-2012, 04:11 PM Thread Starter
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Ok so,
two guys walk into a bar, why the second guy didn't duck I dont know.

Mark and Ed are out playing golf, as they play down the fairway a funneral prosession goes buy, Mark takes of his hat, places it over his heart, and waits until the prosession has gone buy. He then puts on his hat and plays to the green. Ed looks at him and says " You know I have to tell you, I have a lot of respect for you. You took time out of your game to pay respects for someone you probably don't even know."
Mark replies " Ah, its ok, she was a good wife for 30 years."


So, Oley and Sven went out black bear hunting in the UP, on the way up they saw a sign that read " Bear Left" so they went home.



Where is the safest place to be in the event of a tornado?
Cowboys stadium in Dallas, they haven't seen a touchdown all season.



Would the coach that left the girls softball team at Cowboy Stadium please come get them, they are beating the Cowboys 28-3.

2008 TRX700xx
13Tfront
Kenda Bear Claws 23x8x11
Custom 2" receiver
2007 Honda Forman TRX500es (wifes)
54" Moose plow (for the horse poo)
rear seat/ strorage box
Ground Hog Disk harrow kit
2x 2009 Kawasaki KFX 90 (kids)
PEI fog lights
"If your face isn't dirty, you haven't been riding." Daughter age 10 (riding style, 2 speeds, full out and off)
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Its amazing how far a KFX 90 will fly if you go fast. 15' is her current record.
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post #3 of 6 Old 12-25-2012, 04:36 PM Thread Starter
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Ok since I'm the only one with the jokes....
Two muffins were sitting in an oven, one turned to the other and said " Is it me or is it getting hot in here?"
The other one said "HOLY SHIT a talking muffin!"


My brother was at the drug store and an elderly man was buying some Viagra. A woman behind him saw this and said " Wow you can get that over the counter?"
My brother replied " Sure but only if I take two."
Badump tchh

A blonde was standing by a river. Another blonde was standing on the opposite shore and yelled at her "How do I get to the other side?" The first blonde yelled back "You are on the other side!"

2008 TRX700xx
13Tfront
Kenda Bear Claws 23x8x11
Custom 2" receiver
2007 Honda Forman TRX500es (wifes)
54" Moose plow (for the horse poo)
rear seat/ strorage box
Ground Hog Disk harrow kit
2x 2009 Kawasaki KFX 90 (kids)
PEI fog lights
"If your face isn't dirty, you haven't been riding." Daughter age 10 (riding style, 2 speeds, full out and off)
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Its amazing how far a KFX 90 will fly if you go fast. 15' is her current record.
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post #4 of 6 Old 01-01-2013, 03:34 PM Thread Starter
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Some more,

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when his beautiful, blond, female neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox.
She opened it, looked inside, slammed it shut, and stormed back into her house.
A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox, again opened it, and slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house she went.
As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here she came again. She marched to the mailbox, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.
Puzzled by her actions, the man asked her, "Is something wrong?"
To which she replied, "There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps telling me I've got mail!"

There were three fathers to be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.
The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”
The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."
The third father opens the window and jumps out.
The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"
One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.”
The nurse asks, "Why?"
He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

3 friends die in a car accident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked, "When you are in your casket and friends and family are talking about you, what would you like them to say?
The first guy says,"I would like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great family man."
The second guy says, "I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and school teacher which made a huge difference in our children of tomorrow."
The last guy replies, "I would like to hear them say ... Look, He's Moving!

2008 TRX700xx
13Tfront
Kenda Bear Claws 23x8x11
Custom 2" receiver
2007 Honda Forman TRX500es (wifes)
54" Moose plow (for the horse poo)
rear seat/ strorage box
Ground Hog Disk harrow kit
2x 2009 Kawasaki KFX 90 (kids)
PEI fog lights
"If your face isn't dirty, you haven't been riding." Daughter age 10 (riding style, 2 speeds, full out and off)
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Its amazing how far a KFX 90 will fly if you go fast. 15' is her current record.
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post #5 of 6 Old 01-09-2013, 01:14 PM Thread Starter
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Am I the only person here sith nothing else to do but post?


A man goes to the toy store to buy his daughter a birthday present.
Being a real macho guy, he has no idea what to get her so he asks
for some assistance from a clerk.

"I thought I'd buy her a doll", he says, "but which one should I get?"
"Well, here we have some of the more popular ones. we have the Malibu
Barbie for $12.00, which comes with a bathing suit and a towel. We have
the Ballerina Barbie for $23.00, which comes with a tutu and a cassette.
We have the Aerobics Barbie for $30.00, which comes with a leotard and
a workout CD. And we have the new Divorce, Barbie for $1500.00."

The man was flabbergasted. "Why does that one cost so much more
than the others?"
"Oh well that's easy.", replied the clerk, "This Barbie comes with Ken's
car, Ken's boat, Ken's house, Ken's..."


A man walking along a California beach was deep in
prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant
me one wish."

Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a
booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have
TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you
one wish."

The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive
over anytime I want to."

The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic.
Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The
supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific!
The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it
is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things.
Take a little more time and think of another wish, one
that would honor and glorify me."

The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he
said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I
want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking
when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry,
what they mean when they say 'nothing', and how I can
make a woman truly happy."
After a few minutes God said, "You want two lanes or
four on that bridge?"


Top 10 Things Men Understand About Women

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
9.
10.

2008 TRX700xx
13Tfront
Kenda Bear Claws 23x8x11
Custom 2" receiver
2007 Honda Forman TRX500es (wifes)
54" Moose plow (for the horse poo)
rear seat/ strorage box
Ground Hog Disk harrow kit
2x 2009 Kawasaki KFX 90 (kids)
PEI fog lights
"If your face isn't dirty, you haven't been riding." Daughter age 10 (riding style, 2 speeds, full out and off)
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Its amazing how far a KFX 90 will fly if you go fast. 15' is her current record.
Snoshoe is offline  
post #6 of 6 Old 01-09-2013, 07:14 PM
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nope...... I just can't remember jokes
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